Don't live in the Past

I sit in the bedroom of my cabin, watching TV. I am on a cruise to the Bahamas with my cousins. I just sit there

and watch TV while my cousins are playing at the pool. Now I think back and ask myself, why aren’t I playing

with them? I played with them the other day and I had loads of fun, so why don’t I play with them now?

I look outside the window and gaze at the ocean and the world going by me. I wonder why I am not excited; I

mean, how many kids get to go on a cruise ship to the Bahamas with their cousins? What was holding me back,

why was I so unpleasant? Could it have been that I had to share my cabin room with my grandma, or could it

have been that I was just plain stubborn?

I walk around the ship, see the fun games at the arcade, and go to the food court to get all kinds of pastries. It

was all so wonderful and yet I still felt like there was a gap inside me that couldn’t be filled. I always felt so lonely,

I think about my cousins Tom and Rob and notice how they always invited their friends Robby and Nick to come

and play with them. What about me, don’t I exist in their lives anymore? I think back to the good old days when I

was about seven years old and my cousins were a couple of years younger then me. I remember how we used to

always go to Florida together during spring break and play together at the beach. But now the years have gone by, and here I am on this cruise ship thinking about the past instead of focusing on

the present. I wonder if other people think about the past and wish that they could go back to the good old days.

I walk around the cruise ship thinking about this until I get a call from my parents telling me to come to dinner.

When I get there I turn on my gameboy and ignore everyone else around me. I pretend to look uninterested in

having a conversation with anyone, but the truth is I’m nervous. I look at my cousins and watch them have

conversations with the adults. I wonder what happened to us, we used to play video games together all the time,

but now Tom and Rob hardly touch a gameboy. I poke at my spaghetti dinner, twirling it in my fork and eating it

quickly. I look at my watch to see how much time I have before I have to go to bed.

I start to wonder why I’m in such a hurry, why am I always letting time control my life? As I’m watching the

people around me grow and change, I am restraining myself from changing, thus having a hard time fitting in and

being sociable. Letting time control my life has caused me nothing but trouble. You feel like your all alone all the

time, you feel like people around you are watching you, and you feel stressed out all the time. Some times I even

wonder about my future, and wonder if I’m going to let my whole live slip through my fingers just because I was

being so stubborn and wouldn’t try new things.

When I go to sleep at night I never have dreams, or at least none that I can remember to well. But I have a lot of

nightmares, even though their usually about me being at school during the summer time. I never really like to think

of the past or the future, but my emotions control my thoughts and my conscience makes me feel depressed.

Some people might get the impression that I am just depressed and feeling lost. However, I think, I know all

these feeling are just me not wanting to grow up and change. The time has come and I feel like I can still be

successful and happy with my life and that helps me feel more positive.

As I watch the sun set into the ocean, I keep pondering these thoughts. But even though they continue to pound

into my head like a drum, I am able to remain happy because I remind myself that I am still young and have my

whole life ahead of me. I close my eyes with a smile on my face and remind myself, “Why dwell on what

happened yesterday or even today when I can just look forward to tomorrow?” Don’t live in the past!